The Monster on my Back

I’ve had this written on my phone for close to a year, and if I’m honest I could never decide on the right time to publish it. But being that it’s Mental Health Awareness Month I felt it was right to publish it. We have all suffered for Mental Health at least once in our lives, and although what we’re suffering through can seem trivial to others. For you it’s the biggest deal and shouldn’t be ignored. I feel weird saying ‘I hope you enjoy this’ but I just hope it helps people to get talking and to not suffer alone.

There’s a monster on my back. A fat, ugly monster with dull yellowing eyes, Puss seeping out of its pours, teeth black and broken and a stench mixture of vomit and stale smoke, it’s almost impossible to ignore, although it can be invisible to others, feeding on your happiness, leaving only sadness and despair.

It can appear after a moment of trauma, from internet trolls, even from a passing comment from a friend or enemy who said it only to win an argument but instead it opens a satchel of insecurity and self-hatred. It can even take hold of you with no explanation as to why you were it’s target.

You may find it’s with you wherever you go. It’s there when you look in the mirror, it’s the last thing you think about while you lie in bed trying to drop off to sleep and it’s the fist thing you think about when you wake up in the morning.

It makes you doubt yourself whenever you make a decision. It’s ruins your self-esteem and self-confidence. It denies you the chance to think of a brighter future. It highlights the negative and overpowers any attempt to think positively.

It thinks by speaking loudly, drowning out support from other people, that it’ll win. But just because someone talks loudly, it doesn’t mean they’re right or in control. It speaks loudly because it knows it’s one weakness is if the host talks to someone, and it doesn’t need to be someone specific, it can be anybody you feel comfortable talking to, a loved one, a friend, a colleague or a doctor. But once that initial contact happens, the healing can begin. So my advice to you is don’t suffer alone.

There are plenty of people in your life who care about you, who are well aware of the depression monster targeting people. It’s not something to be ashamed of, it is not a weakness because the way you are feeling is not a true representation of who you are. Its a foreign entity that doesn’t belong.

Below is a link that can provide you with more information about depression and

https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/about-mental-health/types-problems/depression

A Beautiful End

countryside scene

Source Countryside

I sit on the edge of a cliff overlooking a vast wilderness of fields and woodland. Land that once flourished with crops and livestock, now overgrown and wild, lost to mother nature. The fields and woodland stretch as far as the eye can see until it meets the tranquillising sky, boasting a beautiful sunrise of blues and purples surrounding the ever intensive beam of the sun. What separates the sky and the ground is a thin black line that looks like it has been drawn using a well sharpened HB pencil and ruler. Keep on reading!

Survival of the Fittest Chapter 4

stock-forest-wood-england-UK

Source Forest

Still need to read Chapter 1, 2 & 3, Click here!

At first I enjoyed my own company. I wasn’t committed to pleasing anyone else. I could go anywhere I wanted, do anything I wanted and not answer to anyone. However, overtime my company wore a bit thin. Doubt in my own ability appeared as cracks in my self-confidence. At work, a 1-1, however pointless it may have seemed, provided that reassurance from an outside presence, that I was doing a good job, filling in those cracks and providing me with the fuel needed to keep going. By myself, those cracks only got bigger.
Keep on Reading!

Fight or Flight

I don’t think I can escape this house without spilling blood. I live in a small town just outside of Bristol with a population of only 20,000. It’s safe to say that everybody knows everyone’s business. As a child I was what people would refer to as normal. I played football with my mates, went to school and misbehaved like and ‘normal’ teenage boy. I struggled through my GCSE exams and completed a BTEC National Diploma in Sports Development and Coaching before I enrolled onto a Sports Coaching degree; and it is at this point that everything went wrong. Keep on reading!

Survival of the Fittest Chapter 3

Still need to read Chapter 1 & 2, Click Here!

Source Lost Gardens of Heligan

Widespread panic engulfed the city. To the public, the government and emergency services were no more. Law and order no longer existed. I saw some of the best of humanity, but mainly the worst. My journey home took me towards a plume of smoke. As I got closer, I could feel the air become polluted and the blistering heat beat down on my exposed skin. As I turned a corner my eyes widened in astonishment. Keep on reading!

An Ass’ Tale

Whilst on my Creative Writing course I was asked to write a piece on a Shakespearean play or character, adding a modern twist to it. I decided to write a 1st person piece on bottom.

Bottom

Source Bottom

Bottom

I am an actor. The moment I left my mother’s womb and was given the surname Bottom I was destined to put on an act. I saw it as a deterrent for any form of mockery from moronic adolescents who regarded their comments to be that of innocent merriment, unbeknown to them that each remark slowly chips away at my already fragile self-esteem. Keep on reading!

Survival of the Fittest Chapter 2

Chapter 2 of my short story Survival of the Fittest. To read Chapter 1, click on the category link ‘Survival of the Fittest’

Haven’t read Chapter 1 yet, Click Here!

The next week or so seemed to go from bad to worse. We were told by work to come to the building every working day. If the power came back on then it would be business as usual. If not, they would take a register of who had attended and that would reflect in our pay slip when things went back to normal. At first, the vast majority attended only to be turned away once their names were taken. Keep on reading

Mummy’s Little Monster

This is a short story about how I imagine what my son would think if we came home with another baby. Being an only child who receives 100% attention, I can only imagine what it would be like to no longer be the centre of attention. Anyway I hope you enjoy this little story of mine.

Since breakfast I have been playing Jenga with my Grampy whilst Nanny sits in her favourite armchair cheering me on. We have built a tower so high that we are going to have to yell timber when it starts to fall.

It’s my turn now. After prodding every brick,  I pull a block from the tower, shaking with excitement to the silly sounds of Grampy going ‘Oh! Woah! It’s going to fall!’ Followed by Nanny hitting him with a cushion whilst telling him off. The block is free! I cannot stop the smile from spreading across my face as I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I gingerly move the block to the top of the tower, getting to my feet when we hear an irritating screeching sound, like when Mrs Peters runs her finger nails down the chalk board from outside the house. Keep on reading!

Survival of the Fittest Chapter 1

No one knows what started all this. I mean, we know what cause Britain to go dark, but no one knows who was behind it and how they executed their plan. Some people think it was ISIS, others thought it was the Taliban, some crazy fool was convinced that it was a Neo-Nazi cell and Hitler was actually alive, orchestrating the whole thing. To be honest, I didn’t care who started it. Whoever wanted this to happen would have had to be highly trained, highly motivated and heavily finance to achieve such an evil act. Keep on reading!