Since breakfast I have been playing Jenga with my Grampy whilst Nanny sits in her favourite armchair cheering me on. We have built a tower so high that we are going to have to yell timber when it starts to fall.
It’s my turn now. After prodding every brick, I pull a block from the tower, shaking with excitement to the silly sounds of Grampy going ‘Oh! Woah! It’s going to fall!’ Followed by Nanny hitting him with a cushion whilst telling him off. The block is free! I cannot stop the smile from spreading across my face as I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I gingerly move the block to the top of the tower, getting to my feet when we hear an irritating screeching sound, like when Mrs Peters runs her finger nails down the chalk board from outside the house. The screeching stops but it is quickly followed by a loud beep. Grampy jumps to his feet, knocking over the tower. ‘I win!’ I yell jumping up and down. Usually Nanny would jump up and down with me, congratulating me on a job well done whilst my Grampy rolls on the floor crying. But not this time. This time they darted across the play room to the window, like the beep had knocked ten years off them, I hear them muttering to themselves about what colour the baby grow was, whatever that it, and ‘Should they have beeped the horn? It must be awake’. I had no idea what they were talking about but a feeling I had, that started at the size of a small green pea, but quickly grew to the size of James’ giant peach was that Santa had come early with a special present for me! My Nanny and Grampy ushered me to the hall way where we stared at the front door for what seemed like hours. ‘What are we doing?’ I ask but I’m quickly silenced with a ‘Shh! They’re coming!’ A familiar shadow appears at the door. If it is Santa, then he has lost a lot of weight because he looks a lot bigger in pictures. Oh, I shouldn’t be awake! Mummy and Daddy told me that he only delivers presents when children are asleep. What if he changes his mind when he sees me! Maybe he is making an exception for me. The round golden door handle turns and when the door opens I see a very tired Mummy and Daddy.
Mummy and Daddy gives Nanny and Grampy a big hug. Daddy is carrying something big and round like an upside-down motorcycle helmet. Nanny and Grampy bend down, looking into the opening of the helmet. Their baby voice that was once used exclusively for me is now directed to whatever is lurking in the carrier. All at once their attention is on me, Daddy kneels down in front of me and whispers “There is someone who would like to say hello”. Oh My God I think they have got me a puppy! I knew they would! But what kind of puppy? I hope it’s the golden one that pulls the toilet tissue around the house like on the TV, that puppy is funny. Oh, I can’t wait to give it a hug! I’m going to play with it all the time and show my friends when they come around for dinner. Daddy turns the carrier so I can peer into the opening. That’s not a puppy! It’s disgusting! It looks like a hairless guinea pig!
“Say hello” Daddy says, encouraging me to interact with it. “His name is Rufus, but you can call him Rue” More like Poo I think, it stinks! Is it real? I’ll poke it to see if it moves. Bad mistake! Poo woke up with a massive roar. I close my eyes and cover my ears to stop my eardrums from exploding! The pictures on the walls rattle and the ornaments on the bookcase moves to the edge and falls onto the floor. Grampy kneels down and embraces me to protect me from any falling debris. He gently places his hands on mine and removes them from my ears. “It’s OK, he won’t bite, look, he has no teeth” He’s right! That’s gross! And eww! There’s gunge oozing from his mouth. “Oh Daddy, watch out” Mummy says, “He had a lot of milk on the way home.” Mummy explained.
What followed was boring chit chat between Mummy, Daddy, Nanny and Grampy. They asked silly questions like “How much did he weigh”, like we were going to have him for Christmas dinner, and “How are you going to feed him?” Which I imagine the answer would be, using the mouth. I’m not interested in their conversation so I’ll go back to playing with my toys. I can see them huddled around Poo. They used to huddle around me and play games and take me on adventures but they seem more interested in a tiny human that doesn’t do anything. Maybe if I sing them a song they will remember how interesting I am. I’ll sing them the ‘Let it go’ song, they’ll love that.
Nope they didn’t love that. Instead they escort me out of the room and back to my toys. I despise Poo already! I don’t want to play anymore, I think I will just sit in a huff. Daddy is coming over to me. He sits down opposite me and starts playing with one of my cars. He tells me “You know that Rue is your little brother? Well he is going to need you to look after him as he grows big and strong like you, and when he is older, you will have to teach him how to play games, run really fast and pull funny faces. You are going to be his cool older brother”.
I like the sound of that. I’m really good at all those things! I ask Daddy “Can I teach him to do tricks like sit, and roll over, and fetch?” Daddy clarifies that Poo is a little boy like me and not a dog, “But you can teach him how to play football, and take him on adventures.” Oh yeah, he can be my side-kick! He can help me fight off evil pirates, and battle aliens in space with our laser guns and even help me evict the monster that’s been lurking in my closet for weeks! I’m going to be the best little brother to Poo. I just wish he would hurry up and start walking.